Worst round of golf I’ve ever played. Shot a 110 at Greenbryre. I could blame the gale force winds, or maybe the rock hard greens for this terrible score. … So I will 
seriously. When you drop the ball on the middle if the green from 150 yards out, it’s supposed to make a sizable divot and roll a few feet, NOT bounce 10 feet in the air and off the back of the green.
This game has me frothing at the mouth like you would not believe. Notice the vocal pitch meter at the top for the singer. I’m going to start a band called “Meathammer”
My Name is Jonas, Guitar Hero III… oh yah.
Ok, it’s set for fall 2007, Guitar Hero III. These are the confirmed tracks so far for the release:
Soundtrack
On May 23, 2007, Activision announced 11 songs that will appear in the game. The list includes both cover songs (indicated by the phrase “as made famous by”) and master tracks featuring the performances of the song’s original artist.
* “Paint It, Black” by The Rolling Stones
* “Cherub Rock” by Smashing Pumpkins
* “Sabotage” by Beastie Boys
* “The Metal” by Tenacious D
* “My Name is Jonas” by Weezer
* “Knights of Cydonia” by Muse
* “Rock and Roll All Nite” as made famous by Kiss
* “School’s Out” as made famous by Alice Cooper
* “Slow Ride” as made famous by Foghat
* “Cult of Personality” by Living Colour
* “Barracuda” as made famous by HeartIn addition, bands confirmed to be contributing to the game include:
* Queens of the Stone Age
* Velvet Revolver
I still believe that Cherub Rock by the Smashing Pumpkins is one of the best guitar riffs I’ve ever heard. That and My Name Is Jonas by Weezer have me as giddy and a school boy.
Ok… everyone just calm down. I can’t believe this is actually happening, but Harmonix, the developer of the greatest video games series in the history of the world (Guitar Hero), has announced it’s next project… You ready for this people? Rock Band… oh yes. Apparently players will interact with any of the 4 different devices: Guitar, Bass, Drums, or Microphone.
I truly believe this is the greatest video game ever made. I’ve become obsessed with it over the last couple of months. There are plenty of clips on youtube of people playing the game on the expert level, but this is BY FAR, my favorite. I want to hang out with Freddy.
Favorite lines, “What’s up, internet.”
I think he actually says, “A lot of people have asked me about the chains, the reason I have them on is my solos are so blisteringly fast, that if I didn’t keep them tied down somehow, I might impregnate women.”
What do you do when you are rated the worst player in John Madden’s NFL 2007 video game? You strike back… This is awesome. I don’t even know who this guy is but he is now officially my favourite NFL player.
To: John Madden
CC: Electronic Arts Sports
From: Ethan Albright
Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is fucking bullshit and you should kiss my mother-fucking ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80.
You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom. Score one for Red Beard.
It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly shit and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. Fuck, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod “He Hate Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of shit teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60?
I guess I just can’t fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. Fuck, man, there are some shitty guys out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst.
I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don’t crash trough a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 ponds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut.
Red Alert!
John, you are such a fucking dick. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a fucking zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my fucking face. Fuck that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a – 4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns.Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). Fuck me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide.
I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace is has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by thirty yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I’m a fucking lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, pussy-ass fuckwad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man.
When I’m not snapping balls, I snap necks.
Fuck you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you fuck with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder.Rot in Hell,
Ethan Albright
A couple of months ago we had a dance dance revolution showdown at a friend’s house. I basically dominated all competitors, especially my friend Alfred. He was seriously outclassed, like, if we were cars, I would be a 660HP V12 Ferrarri Enzo and Alfred would be like, a porta-potty with training wheels duct taped to the sides.
I found a video on the net of a guy who I’m pretty sure stole all his moves from me. Check it out.
I don’t know why, but this put me in a really good mood.